I decided over this last week of Fall break that I am the biggest hypocrite around. Probably in several ways, but mostly in mommy ways. So I changed the name to mommy-crite. I am a mommy-crite.
You might be one, too.
1. You tell your kids no snacks before dinner while stuffing chocolate chips in your mouth as soon as they stomp out of the kitchen. But really, it takes strength to cook dinner, so we do what we gotta do. Plus if you're really sneaky and they don't see you inhaling the chocolate, then you don't even have to feel guilty at all.
2. You tell the kids they've had enough screen time and it's time for them to turn it off, as you're browsing through your phone.
3. You tell your six year old that nobody likes a cheater, but then deliberately help the four year old cheat so he can win one lousy game of slap jack. Because he's trying so hard and has lost the last three. And even though no one likes a cheater, this mommy would rather lower her standards of slap jack ethic than listen to the four year old yet again throw himself on the floor and scream because he never wins anything ever in his whole whole life. (which is kind of so not true because when he plays with just me he never LOSES)
4. You rant to your children about how cleanliness is important and how they are not going to do anything fun until they clean their room. Then when bedtime comes for them, you flop onto your bed in your own pigsty of a room and turn on the TV. Mommies don't have to clean their room before they have fun, right??
5. You force your kids to eat breakfast because it's the most important meal of the day. Then lunchtime rolls around and you wonder why you feel like you want to kill everything, when you remember you haven't eaten anything yet today.
6. You make your kids do their homework as soon as they come home from school. Meanwhile that thing you said you would do for church or work or PTA gets pushed to the last minute.
7. You tell the kids soda isn't good for them as you down your second Diet Coke of the day.
8. You tell the kids they're not leaving the house without a jacket, but then leave without your own jacket because for the love, I just got everyone packed and ready and I forgot it and I'm not going back into the house now to get it.
9. You switch the music in the car because a song is not appropriate for the kids, but then make a mental note to download it later and listen to it when you're alone. And you will probably turn it up really loud and sing along, too.
10. You gripe and complain to your child when he cries about losing his toy AGAIN. Why can't he just put it in the same place? Why is he so irresponsible? You are not in charge of his toys. Then when you lose your keys, you demand everyone drop what they're doing to help you find them. And any comments of placing blame on you for losing them are silenced with the scariest mommy look you can make. Losing toys and losing keys, it's a completely different thing. . .
I'm guilty of all of these mommy-crite offenses. And probably a whole lot more. I have thrown some major fits over lost keys and the snacking before dinner--well I think it might be physically impossible for me to make dinner without snacking. I'm a procrastinator and my room is a mess. I don't eat healthy and sometimes I don't clean up after myself right away. But I expect and demand better from my children.
My name is Leilani, and I'm a mommy-crite.
But I'm working on it. Kind of. Sort of. Sometimes. Well not really. But I will. Tomorrow.